Looking up to look down, changes in my eye, difficulties at work, excelling in college , wearing sunglasses

9 Jul

I’d look up to look down I’d tell people.. To see them at first I could look about a metre up above their head so that the blind spot was well above them so with my lower vision I could make out their face.  I did begin to struggle with simple things such as reading, recognising faces, making eye contact etc.   I literally was putting my face to the till at marks and spencer to read the price and eventually as my eyes got worse I just couldnt manage it anymore 😦  Rude customers would openly (and often loudly) say “are you blind or something?!” and it got both tedius and very upsetting.  I felt a burden to my colleagues as I’d always have to have help whether it be for a phone number, to check what job I was meant to be doing on that hour, getting to work, the list goes on.

I felt I couldn’t cope anymore as i couldnt do these jobs perfectly as well as just simple tasks.. Passing people I didn’t recognise, in the street and it would upset me.. I’d feel useless and insecure as once I’d walk with a huge smile on my face now I was concentrating and thinking who’s this?, do I know them? Am I gonna look stupid if I say hi and I don’t?!

I had lots of support off collegues but didn’t know anything about support programs such access to work and how they can get tills in big fonts etc ..

I was though excelling in my art class.  It was the best thing I ever did.  It was a fresh start at a difficult time.

Reading bus numbers, crossing roads making new friends trying to explain the problem that I can see but I can’t recognise you or I can’t read or I can’t drive or I can’t read your texts (“but you wont catch it” I’d say) ….I found myself always trying to justify myself.

It Seemed no problem To anybody, they all accepted me for who I am.  Everyone knew me for who I was now and not what I was before … (this bothered me as before I was so outgoing and now I was not as independent and couldn’t work things out for myself)

I began learning tricks of how to remember people.. (it doesn’t always work haha I have confused people many of times but worth a go.. I’d remember people’s walks, where they would sit, their style of clothes, colour of their hair, speech, the bag they have ….. God help me if they had a haircut or dyed there hair would not have a clue!!!

I see my eyes as a jigsaw puzzle a very strange and orkward one….

I completed college got distinctions made some amazing friends. Got a grade B in textiles and went on t do a fine art foundation course still at the college.. I had such fun here, this time in my life made me who i am today, I broke the mold, thought for myself, had my own ideas.

There are no rights or wrongs in art I feel this is and was a vital part of my heeling as I had a sense of achievement and got lost in my work and forgot about my eyes deteriorating,

I had a couple of upsets.  I have a very positive outlook but say once every couple of months I’d have an out burst of why me, what the hell! No one understands and once my psycho attack was out I’d burst into laughter and relief!!!!

At this time I didn’t know you could get soft ware to zoom on computers etc so that was so stressful I was trying to apply for University (not to mention thinking how would I cope when there) but literally couldn’t see the computer my teachers had high hopes for me and were so fantastic to me and had a lot of patience and understanding.

I hated wearing sunglasses every minute of the day as initially I’d never worn sun glass in England never mind on a cloudy morning in September.. I felt as if people were looking at me but no me was bothered it was just because I knew I had to wear them.. I love them, now I always wear them!!!! If there good enough for Victoria beckham then there good enough for us!!!!

 

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